It's My Birthday!

Today's the day.  I'm growing up.  I'm 40! I have been waiting for this day for a long time, believe it or not.  I couldn't wait to turn 40, like some tremendous flash of light was going to descend upon me and make me a new person.  I'm 40 and I have a gray hair.  There was no flash of light this morning, no earthquake, no brilliant revelation.  It's just another day on my journey towards loving my Jesus more and more.

As I read through my prayers this morning, I got thinking about my name.  My name is Karen.  In Greek it means pure.  I went searching for other meanings to my name and found some very nice, pretty accurate, descriptions of me, which I don't need to list for fear of boring anyone who may be reading this.  One thing that really stood out though is that my dad named me.  He named me the day I was born.  He even changed it from what he and my mom agreed upon.  I have always wondered why and never asked him before he died.

When people turn 40, sometimes there is sadness and never-ending grief over growing older.  There are mid-life crises and the potentially fertile path of trying to find ourselves and wondering what this life is all about.  I think I already had mine.  I couldn't find my way.  I was lost.  There was a time when I thought my children would have been better off without me.  But God turned that around for me.  He has taken me on a journey that I never planned.  He gave me life.  He called me by my name, the same way He called Mary Magdalene on His glorious Resurrection day.  She was desperately looking for her Lord, wanting to know where they took Him so she could care for His body.  She didn't recognize Him until He called her by her name.

Through my toughest times, I can look back and see that He was doing that for me too.  I was seeking Him and He was calling me by my name.  He knows every part of me and how good it is.  Everything He creates is good and He wants us to reach our full potential.  He walks patiently with us, giving us what we need as we seek to grow closer to Him each day.

So who am I? There are many names I am called these days.  My name is Karen.  My husband calls me Sunshine.  My kids call me Mom.  I am a wife and a mother.  I used to want a career and to make a name for myself.  I was going to be a behavior therapist for autistic children.  I was going to be a curriculum specialist for teachers and parents.  I was going to start my own preschool.  Today? Today I am a wife and a mother.  I enjoy crocheting, reading, dating my hubby, and being with my kiddos.  My name is Karen.  My husband calls me Sunshine and my kids call me mom.  There couldn't be anything sweeter.

Today I thank my Lord, for bringing me to where He always intended for me to be.  Thank you, Lord, for helping me to see the value in my vocation as a wife and a mother.  Thank you for encouraging me and never leaving me.  Thank you for all of the blessings you have given me: my parents, my brothers and all of my family, my husband, my in-laws, their family, my children, and all of my friends.  Thank you for placing all of them in my life, through the good times and the bad.

Here's to being 40 and for every year and every day after that!

The Beginning of a New Year

It’s the beginning of a new year.  It’s a new start.  It’s 2017.  This past year surged by me.  The memories seem to be stuck in Google Photos, unable to be recaptured in my mind and in my heart.  My children will often tell of events that happened, things I said or did, and I don’t remember them.  These occurrences stood out in their mind.  They took seed and planted themselves in their hearts and made them laugh, made them cry, or made them feel loved.  It’s the latter that I want.  It’s the latter that we need.  It’s the latter that we all long for.

So what is in store for 2017? In a world that toils here and there, from one activity to the next, planning every minute of every day, I plan to be more mindful.  While the secular world tries to win over my mind and my heart with empty promises of happiness and gallant efforts of show, I will tend to what is right outside my window: my husband, my children, my home.  That is what is right outside the window of my heart.  That is what is right outside when I look through that window.  They will come first. 

The world isn’t going to crumble down around me if I don’t go save it because only God saves.  I am merely a lowly instrument that He can use to work through.  All glory and honor is His.  St. Therese, St. Mother Theresa, and of course our most Blessed Mother, Mary, all lived the lives that God asked.  It was the small ways they reached out to those around them, in complete humility and love that attracted others to them.  After all, it is in losing ourselves that we find Jesus.

Ironically, when I sat down to write this entry, I didn’t realize that this would be my most important goal of 2017.  There will be many branches that stretch me, grab my attention, and distract me from what is most important because there are many causes that I’m passionate about.  There is so much hurt, grief, and putrid sin that is choking the life and light out of the longing for love in this world.  When I meet my God one day, I want to have served Him well, with what He asked of me, what He put before me, right outside my window.  It’s 2017.